One More • 10/14/2025
free verse • ~4 min read
Walking into that building for the last time
Is like being embraced and brutally stabbed
I’m gonna miss the patterns on the floor spending boring minutes trying to find as many matching colors as I can
I won’t miss feeling like I’m being pulled from my real life
I'm gonna miss my group therapists
My guardian angels
I won’t miss feeling confined to those 3 rooms
All this tugging and pulling
Every emotion imaginable all at once
DC day or discharge day
AKA Jail break
September 30th
The ending of the beginning
It’s a complicated feeling to go from being the new kid
Feeling alone
Holding your support plush trying not to cry
And giving one word answers to any and every question you are asked
To saying “hey whats up new kid!”
Knowing every therapist by name
You go from not knowing the schedule
To being handed a final survey to rate their performances
Like this was a big show?
Just for a rating?
Just for a raise?
You write your advice on the big white board wall for the future kids to see
Feeling like time is moving fast as light and like these two hours go on forever
Not feeling real
Feeling like you are walking in a weird twisted exciting fever dream
And write your farewells on a fruit that gets added to the branches of the tree
the winds whispering words spoken by souls that once walked these halls
You get the card signed by the other patients
You get one big folder of everything you have done
Every skill
Feeling heavier than you expected
You stare at it
Like it’s some sort of jinxed objects that could jump at you at any moment
The reward you have been striving for
In your arms
You meet with your whole team one by one
You sign the very last piece of paper work
Finish very last check in
And then you’re healed?
Or that’s what I think Im supposed to be
But what does healed even look like?
My scars are still here?
Does it mean chains shattered?
Bubbles popped?
Im ready to run from this prison and yet I find myself wishing for one more
One more good bye
One hug
One high five
One more skill
One more session
Just one more
I am now met with
Afternoons of rest
Meet ups I get to go to
I’m met with excuses made up of safety plans long gone
Met with anger and resentment
I’m met with my family’s disappointment
I’m met with debate and spoken word
I’m met with my future
Met with the college version of myself
Met with scholarships and opportunities
Met with new fights
New pains
New tears
New reasons to be drained
I’m a walking contradiction
And realizing that is like
And its being like stabbed and embraced
Untitled
free verse • ~5 min read
Some of the nicest most genuine people that I have ever met
Smoke
Drink
Lie
Cheat
Steal
Con
You never know a persons true colors till you look into their eyes
Some of the rudest people Ive ever met
Work in food pantrys
Have done charity
Are religious
Have crosses in their bios
Post videos about kindness
And wear shirts that say “postives vibes only”
You never know a person's true intentions till you look into their eyes.
Their true eyes.
Not the eyes riddled with fakeness
And shame
And lies
Empty promises
Deep corneas
Riddled with secrets
And words drowned out by screams and tears
Cheeks wet with truama that generations above us told us to forget
Told us to supress our voices
Well
Hear me now
Loud and clear
The smoker I knew was the sweetest soul with a loud laugh
She loved 7-11
She didn’t have good attendance in school but she always did her work
The religious girl I spoke of was a bully and made fun of me many a time
She ruined 3 of my relationships
My best friend in the whole world has even gotten drunk a few times
He's insulted me
And yet he stayed
During everything
Through every single pain
He was there
The people who cared their souls shine brightly withen me
My clovers. Who are the best people I have ever met.
Some are religious.
Some have been in countless art projects and competitions.
Some are bad at communication.
Some are theifs.
Some love weather.
Others make music.
Some play sports.
Others are obsessed with video games made in 2001.
Some call me a big brother.
Some love rock and metal bands to the point of addiction-
They are artists.
Weirdos.
Broken.
Lovely.
Incredible.
Creators.
The future bridesmaids and groomsmen.
The future god fathers and god mothers to my children
The aunts and uncles to my precious future babies
No box fits all
No pair of eyes are the same
And I love you all so much
The truth of the matter is that we all have our problems
We are all messed up
I was in a impatient pysch unit
Which I still have nightmares about
I have lied
Cheated
Conned
Stolen
I am so far from perfect
My parents are divorced
Me and my siblings fight
I have cuts dug into my skin
Scars that glimmer on every limb
Created from my own hand
I am messy
And broken
Traumatized
But never ruined
I am kind
I am loving
I am gentle
I am tough
I'm genuine
I'm okay
I
Am
Alive
And if that's not enough then I don’t know what is
Growing up • 12/24/2024
free verse • ~3 min read
Growing up is realizing that you don't get to pick between Elsa or Anna bandaids
But knowing you will get boring tan ones
Growing up is putting those tan bandaids on the cuts you dig into your skin
No longer scraped knees
From falling out of trees
Growing up is realizing swinging no longer means swinging on a swing at recess
With your “bffs”
Growing up is realizing gay doesn't mean happy
But it's used as a insult
For something thats not even something worth insulting
Growing up is realizing not everyone is your freind
That men on the street
Aren’t being kind when they wistle
At those girls just trying to get home
You get romantic partners
You get left behind
You will be the one leaving
Growing up is realizing you have more responsibilities
More to do
But
Also my independence
Going out with friends at night
Paying for food
Getting to say “I’ll be home by dinner”
And running out the door
Growing up is freedom
And it's pain
It's liberating
Soul crushing
And wonderful
A twisted tree
Two trunks intertwined growing into a large tree
Suffocation • 12/22/2024
free verse • ~1 min read
Ma’am
Sisters
Daughter
Granddaughter
Niece
Miss
Her
She
Hers
That's not me
I promise
I swear
Why won’t you listen
My body isn't my brain
My brain isn't my body...
I should be a boy...
I'm a
Sir
Son
Grandson
Nephew
Mister
He
His
Im trapped in a body that isnt mine
Let me free
HRT
Top surgery